Transforming Motivations

When you’re fresh out of high school, your given motivation is to study to get a steady supply of cash when you get a job after graduation. Nothing wrong with that, it’s a perfectly normal motivation. But what people stumble upon while pushing you through college is if it coincides with what you want. On my personal case, I had warped motivations which resulted me untangling everything even until today.

I realize how my motivations transformed 10 years later, from a simple ‘get out of the house’ to a simpler ‘because I said so’. I want to go back to school and study Fine Arts again. Maybe I’ll major in Visual Communications or Advertising, the thing is people do that to land a steady job for a consistent stream of cash. To someone who’s getting those without the former, is it really necessary for me to go back to school and graduate? Am I just satisfying my own selfish desires without making a social impact with what I’m doing and studying? Is it even necessary to make a social impact with it, or be the best in it because frankly, when money talks everyone listen?

I don’t know if it’s still worth my time or money or heartaches to invest in the title in the academic world to prove a point or should I just focus on a business to have a wallet to prove it for me. But the more that I force myself in focusing on a business the more I lust for learning things I’ve never known. The heavy irony of all of these is, when you stop making cash you start getting better at things.

I’ve been swamped with engagements, deadlines and work, my thoughts are in chaos as it is but there’s one thing I know, I want a legacy. I want something nice written on my tomb, on my biography, on my legend. I have a clearer motivation that I had before.

Myself.

Aside from the usual love, courage and hope typecasting, the best motivation has always been one’s self. The more value you place in yourself, the more motivated you’ll become. But then again that’s just motivations; the next question is what you are going to do with all that motivations. Right now I couldn’t be any more confused than I already am. I’ve been asking folks who seemed to have ‘been there’ and looked like they’ve ‘done that’ and I keep getting the same answers. I have to find myself over again, this time not in a glass of merlot but in the middle of nowhere.
Now, I want to get lost.